I'll begin this article by talking about love and how love propels us through the world from a young age. We know love before we are aware of our unique abilities and how they relate to the world we've been born into. By crying, laughing, playing or being in awe of something in our environment we are incredibly free to express ourselves and hopefully receive the love we need to continue to do so.
We don't question ourselves or doubt ourselves in any way when we are infants - we just live in every moment and commit to that moment with everything we are. This is the definition of freedom for me; being able to experience ourselves and our environment fully, with curiosity and awareness, as if time doesn't exist. The moment is enough and we are enough.
Where does rejection come from?
We might develop a dialogue with ourselves which is loving and positive as we grow; self love. The stronger this dialogue is the better we are at dealing with rejection. However, many of us learn to doubt ourselves rather than love ourselves too. We develop blocks which interfere with the freedom of learning and growing as we once did.
Any form of judgement we understand implies the love we will receive will be measured on a spectrum - being really 'good' at something will result in more love and less love will be given should you fail to meet a desired standard determined by others. We start to assess where we are on many spectrums.
Even when we receive unconditional love from somewhere we may become preoccupied by the results of our efforts in other areas of our lives. Schooling in itself will have a multitude of spectrums, each subject being an 'opportunity' to place ourselves somewhere from high to low.
Dealing with the FEAR of rejection
These systems can leave us running around trying to find enough love and acceptance for ourselves when in fact the system is flawed, not us. When we don't do well in one or more areas of our lives many people feel rejected by the system or by those we crave acceptance from. We may begin to fear further rejection.
Deliberate denial of approval for no reason simply exposes those people's insecurities.
Most people who have been rejected (by individuals, friends, family or a system) struggle to feel safe in the world, let alone be any good at dealing with rejection. We start to look inside for ways to make up for our perceived flaws. We feel that love and abundance are dependent on meeting a set of criteria (not set by ourselves).
If our parents rejected us we assume that our very reason for existence is now denying us love.
Hold on to your Power and Rise above Rejection
By the time most people have matured we have formed a structure in our minds which implies that love is something we need to strive for. We look to place ourselves as high up as possible on any one or all spectrums (education, work, activities we are involved in or acceptance within our relationships). We form an identity based on how well or badly we believe we are doing in every area.
We can then go looking, fighting, struggling, proving, seeking, worrying, hoping, praying for something we were actually born with - total reassurance, faith and a feeling of eternal love.
Trauma and Rejection
Trauma is an incredibly important subject and affects many, many people. Trauma is defined as trauma because no matter what we were doing at the time a person or experience threatened our survival or capacity to protect ourselves. It will also have happened when we were not expecting it to happen - everything we are is threatened.
Rejection, however is also very complex. If the rejection is intentional or comes from a source we depend on for our survival - even schooling or work, our parents or anyone we trust, then the effects can be equally catastrophic. We may feel very, very alone, with no way out, no support or understanding and lose faith.
Rejection can create Warriors
It's important to remember we were born very reassured by the love in our hearts and souls, with more talents than these spectrums or people can identify and with more to offer than we believe. For me every heart on earth has a piece of God or the universe inside it which is unquestionable, it doesn't fluctuate, it doesn't compete and it certainly doesn't seek approval.
We all know that when we look inside for an answer to a negative feeling like rejection we usually get more negative feelings. Negative feelings can grow and sprout legs just as positive feelings can. Before we know it, the initial rejection can induce self destructive thoughts, habits and choices.
Protect yourself and others from Rejection
This problem is far too common. Even well meaning parents can give off an energy of rejection or disappointment should their children be at the wrong end of a spectrum, dictated by society. A great parent might be overjoyed by their children's achievements but an even better parent values the soul and the journey of their child over the way they perform in the world.
All spectrums and signs of approval in society have more emphasis placed upon them than they should. It is an illusion that being bad at Maths means we are less loveable, or more loveable because we are great at Art. Having no money doesn't make us less loveable and having lots of friends doesn't make us more loveable - in fact nothing we have or don't have affects our worth or value because these things can fluctuate, unlike the love we were born with.
No-one is feeling happier due to their position on a spectrum. This idea has been created and exists in our minds but it falls apart as soon as you get to know, well anyone. A successful person is probably wealthy due to their ability to separate who they are from their financial worth - money is a bi-product but it's not what they really value about themselves.
It's important to mention that people who brag about money or anything at all do so out of insecurity as well. They usually suffer from feelings of shame and by choosing to brag they usually have no true friends. That person is not impressive, however wealth in itself is no bad thing.
Our value and the love we were born with is constant, ever lasting, indestructible and not dependent on anything we take part in or anyone we meet.
Don't weaken yourself with Jealousy or Hate
Being jealous of others wealth, success or talents is simply a sign that we don't feel good enough in ourselves yet. We assume someone else has it easier than us. If we assume this then we have stopped valuing who they are as individuals and are instead looking at the surface of their world (and comparing it to the depth of our world - a very biased view).
We need to learn from all people openly and with confidence, just as we did as children, with no insecurity about our own internal value. Letting go of spectrums of achievement allows us to use more awareness in our relationships, see who someone really is. A person's energy or humour, honesty, courage, sensitivity or mind set are far more interesting.
Many of our traits, gifts and strengths were within us prior to our birth. The universe delivered us in a complete form, perfect for purpose. Society's structures are completely different to the universal purpose we serve. The universe or God simply asks that we appreciate who we are and value ourselves fully, independent of a spectrum or construct in our minds which suggests otherwise.
Rejection and Romance
When someone we have a romantic interest in rejects us our hearts take a punch. We have chosen to manifest love for them while they haven't done so for us. However when we manifest love for others we are doing something wonderful - love has been our creation and whether it is accepted or reciprocated doesn't matter.
We must value ourselves enough to know that being with someone who hasn't manifested such a love for us would have a negative impact on our lives. We take our love, we value it and use it to invest in ourselves. Learning what our own best practices are for dealing with rejection in a dignified way may be an ongoing process.
Perhaps we love someone who we know doesn't love themselves enough yet. We try to encourage them to love themselves more, value themselves more and yet they reject us. Of course this is confusing but perhaps that person knows deep down that hearing great things about themselves is not the same as the love they must feel from within.
We are not here to save one another, we simply develop love and kindness from within and express it.
True love for ourselves combined with another person's true love for themselves may form the basis of romance.
Reclaiming Love and total Acceptance.
In other words your own soul can never be truly valued by anything or anyone external. Are we going to allow a person or a system to inform us that we are not loveable enough? No matter how much we try to prove who we are, impress or even appease people they are completely unqualified to assess our worth in any way!
Great souls have the ability to appreciate others and accept them for who they are without judgement. We learn a lot about people when we do this and those who receive unconditional love are given back the freedom they were born with. This in turn enables them to grow in any way they wish, unconcerned about judgement and aware that they don't owe anyone anything, including ourselves.
Rejection is asking us to value ourselves more
We have all been badly rejected by those we least expected and this grief can create a scar so deep that it feels unbearable. We must insist that we WILL love ourselves more, look at our experiences and deliberately pick out traits and gifts that are very valuable - if we can't find any then we have to recognise that the negativity (we have absorbed) is distorting and damaging our view of ourselves.
A good exercise is to reflect on our day and use positive traits to describe our efforts in any situation we were involved in. We can choose words like kind, clever, creative, loving, funny, gentle, considerate, honest, generous, smart or hard working.
Repeating this is your decision to take back control, counteracting years of judgement and negativity with recognition, respect, love and positivity.
Confidence comes through recognising and repeating positive qualities we have regarding ourselves. It can take courage if we've been scarred badly but every effort in this direction helps. Have your own back.
Noone else has the power to Approve of us
It is quite clear that the source of love we were born with is the only love we can forever tap into. We did not doubt this love when we were born and we sometimes just need to reclaim it. The chances are our mistake in the case of rejection was to believe that this person or people were necessary parts of our growth, a part of our dreams - the dream of acceptance is an incredibly powerful, yet heartbreaking dream.
When we take back control from rejection on an incredibly harmful level we find that we will never allow anyone or any system or any false idea to determine our worth. Seeking approval comes from a place of lack, a place of having had our inherent love and respect threatened previously.
Giving ourselves lots of love and lots of respect means approval or no approval will not make the slightest bit of difference to who we are. Make it a mission to say how much you love, value and respect yourself for everything you are and every positive effort you make in life. Doing this also means complimenting others comes naturally and without inhibition.
By paying attention to heartbreak and loss and even loneliness for a period of time it seems that we rediscover our core. It's a feeling of being accompanied by something internal and yet linked to the greatest power in existence. This can teach us more than any other person or any spectrum of society. It is indestructible in its ability to soothe, guide, carry and guide us.
Do Not Reject Yourself
Even if someone loves and knows us very, very well, do they join us moment by moment on the inside? Do they see and feel our suffering, efforts and joy as we do, moment by moment? No, obviously not. We observe our own internal world, our bodies and minds constantly and we need to be a good friend to ourselves.
We could argue that rejection is a vital experience which is capable of guiding us through hell so that we have no choice but to value ourselves fully, unconditionally and intentionally. Once we start doing this regularly the idea of rejection will likely cease to exist.
We can all fear not fitting in but here's the thing. We only exist because the universe needed us here, exactly as we are, exactly when it needed us. We didn't fight for our place on earth and we never do need to fight for our place on earth.
Any type of disappointment in life is not a reason to stop believing in this truth and the more we relax, the more we discover why the universe made it's decision to put us here.
The universe definitely doesn't create disappointments or failure's. Even if you don's see it, you are a miracle and you are always worth loving!
With love, Annie 🙏❤️☺️
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